My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
