well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
