oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
