just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
