i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
