I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
