Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
