Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the day after is always just damage control
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
