What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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