I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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