I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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