just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
