Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
