I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
