Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
They have beer where we have blood.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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