awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
