My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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