YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
