the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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