Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
