Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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