There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
