yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
