He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We have started to decorate penises.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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