I'm pants shitting drunk right now
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
