i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
