very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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