i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
