I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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