so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
