this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
