Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
