The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
