please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Text me some of your sweat
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
