I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
