Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
