I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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