Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
