what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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