Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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