he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it glows. i had to have it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
