i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
