He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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