hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
