I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
