The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
