I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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