it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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