mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
