I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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