And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
