People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
