This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
