Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
